lb_heartland | Fic: Big Time Cowboys 14/16

Big Time Cowboys
Chapter Fourteen
Word Count: 2,518
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Kendall/Jo, Logan/Camille, Ty/Amy, Lou/Scott, and possibly a bit of Jack/Lisa. As scary as that list might seem, this story is mostly about humorous antics and none of the pairings are a big focus of it, I promise. I just like to cover all the bases.
Disclaimer: I'm never going to grow up. That means... I'm not legally responsible for anything, right?
Summary: Four teenage boys. Two weeks. One ranch. Who will survive?
Spoilers: Nothing past Eye of the Wolf for Heartland, season 2 of Big Time Rush, with a very minor one from Big Time Moms. I couldn't resist.
Author's Note: I had trouble getting this done because I couldn't do anything... funny. So, I looked up some "Dad's Rules" to help with Jack's list, and it was priceless. I have to say, parts of it even sounded like it could have been done by my dad, what with the Agent Orange, four girls, and the bald bit. Too bad he never actually cared that much.

The List

"Who told you you could do this?" Amy demanded, interrupting the boys as Kendall shouted directions from behind Carlos, who had the camera again. She'd thought the documentary was off. They'd done what they wanted to do with it, right? Sure, they'd said it was released without editing, but they didn't need to reshoot it. The video was already done. Out. It had caused lots of trouble, so there was no reason why anyone should have let them do this again.

"Jack."

Amy looked at them, unable to believe what she was hearing. She didn't understand. How had they possibly managed that? She knew that the boys were capable of a lot of things. She knew that they could be worse than Lou when it came to getting what they wanted, a mix of a steam roller and a stampede of wild horses or cattle, but she knew her grandfather. She knew the way he felt about Heartland. She knew that he wouldn't just give up like that. He would never have let them film at his ranch. He wasn't going to let them turn his home into a circus. That was not her grandfather.

"What did you do?"

"He had terms," Logan told her. "Lots of terms. A list. I had to start writing them down. Don't worry. We've followed the all to the letter."

"Including the fact that Logan here has to get on a horse today," Kendall said, squeezing his friend's shoulder as he put a cowboy hat on him. Logan frowned. "Leave it on, we have to see how the shot will look, okay? And I did make James take back the rest of the costumes, so no more complaining."

"Yeah, well, your boots are broken in already. These ones all stiff and weird to walk in," Logan muttered, picking up his feet and frowning at the manure he'd stepped in. "And dirty."

"Better them than your other shoes. Taller., The crap can't get inside them."

Amy shook her head. The boys did get distracted easily. She had to keep them on topic. She didn't know what they thought they were doing, but it was going to stop. "What are these terms?"

"I don't think she believes us, guys," Carlos said, and Kendall shrugged. Logan passed her the list, almost knocking the hat off his head.

"Daily chores, no filming of Jack whatsoever," Amy began to read the list. She shook her head as she went down it.

Do not lie to me. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and six hundred acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

No means no. You will not go behind my back to get what you want.

No one sets foot on my property without my permission. This goes for all of your show business people. Speak to me before anyone else shows up, or they just might get shot for trespassing.

You will rise at dawn every morning and be present for breakfast.

You will eating only at the dinner table, with utensils and not with your hands unless the food is meant to be eaten with your hands.

You will complete all of the chores assigned to you in a disciplined and orderly manner. No back talk, no roughhousing. Just good old-fashioned hard work.

There is no such thing as done on a farm. There's always plenty of work to be done and not enough hands. If you've got a time to lean, you've got time to clean.

You will wear the proper clothes for doing these chores. No trousers so loose that they appear to be falling off your hips or too damn tight to breathe. No clothes too fancy for getting the job done. No inappropriate shoes. Hats would be a good step, but they are not a requirement. No complaining about any damage to your clothes. If you don't have ones to work in, get some.

You will listen to the people telling you how and where to ride.

You will not steal any vehicles from the property or use any of them without permission and supervision.

You will respect the property. That includes the house and all personal belongings, but also fences, barns, horses, and people. This place is more than just a farm, those horses are more than just animals, and that is my family. They will be treated with all due respect and given the honor they deserve. Listen and do what you're told.

There will no hanky-panky in the barn. You do not touch those girls in front of me. You may glance at a girl, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of her body, I will remove them.

If you make anyone around here cry, I will make you cry.

It just went on and on. All of it sounded like her grandfather, but he'd clearly been enjoying this too much when he gave it to him. Amy couldn't believe this. She wondered if he'd said anything even remotely like this to Ty. She hoped not. That would have been embarrassing. "You agreed to this? Honestly?"

"When it comes to a choice between your grandfather's rules and Gustavo, we picked the rules," Kendall said, and the others nodded.

"Kendall even has his own set of rules."

"Really? What are they?"

The boy just grinned and shrugged, tilting back the hat he wore. That was one of Grandpa's, wasn't it? She had to be dreaming. It couldn't be real.

"Okay, fine. What is so terrifying about this guy that you don't want to face him?" Amy asked, frowning. "This is your producer, right? You work with him... by choice?"

"Yes and no," Kendall began. She waited, and he shrugged. "It's complicated. I think some people would say Gustavo's kind of like a surrogate dad to some of us, but he likes to scream and yell a lot and we spend most of our time trying to get out or around whatever he says we need to do. Songs, dance choreography, Griffin's latest insane idea—he almost made us do a reality tv show, and that was... awful. This movie? Technically, it's Griffin's idea, too. We just... found a way to make it work. This place is probably the only place where the four of us learning to ride would have ever happened. So that's something."

"Hey, guys," James called, coming back up to them. "Now, I know you didn't like the idea of chaps, and I admit, they were a bit much, but I've got a better one."

The three others looked at him suspiciously. He grinned and pulled out something from behind his back. "Bandanas!"

The boys groaned in unison. "We are not wearing bandanas."

"Have I told you that you make for a handsome cowboy?" Jo asked, and Kendall grinned at her. They were almost ready to do part of the music video, though they still hadn't managed to convince Amy to take part in it. She still didn't seem to realize that she needed to do this. Lou said she might be willing to stand in if her sister wouldn't cooperate, but she also said she wasn't very good at it. Plus, Kendall had seen her leave early this morning for town—and her boyfriend, he figured—so she wasn't an option. He supposed they could ask Jo to stand in, but he didn't really want to do that because of the whole girlfriend issue. They might think he was trying to put her ahead of the band, and that wasn't it. "Do I get to know what's on your list?"

"Oh, nothing that interesting. Except that I'm now under obligation to annoy Tim Fleming as much as possible," Kendall answered, and she shook her head. He smiled. "Oh, yes. I think, underneath it all, Jack likes him a little, but he'd rather see him miserable, and that's fine with me because I want him nowhere near my mom."

"You're terrible."

"It's like annoying Bitters back home," Kendall shrugged. He didn't mind the extra clauses on his list. Some of the ones on the first one were annoying, but he'd gotten good ones. Though... he was kind of nervous about the mandatory guitar lessons. He didn't want to break the guitar that meant so much to Jack, and he didn't think he'd be that good at it, either.

"Is that a car?" James asked, coming up next to them. "That's not Gustavo, is it?"

"Nah, we managed to get him on the homeland security no-fly list," Kendall disagreed, and Jo looked at him. "Yeah, he's really going to be pissed when he finally gets that all sorted out. And Kelly's pissed because she had to leave to go help him, but that was easier than maxing out his credit cards and stealing his frequent flier miles. Even if we'd managed to do that, he'd still be able to fly with money, so..."

"You realize we are going to die for this," Logan added nervously. "I don't really want to die."

"Relax. We've got everything in the works for fixing this music video, and Jack already gave us the rights to the song, so we can record that at any time. Add in that and the fact that I talked Jack into letting the come back director shoot the movie here, we will be fine."

"I don't know, Kendall. I like living. I'm too pretty to die," James said, messing with his bandana. Kendall rolled his eyes.

"Did I mention I got the rights to more than one of Lyndy's songs?"

"That's great. Now we can be country-western stars, too."

"It doesn't change the fact that we're going to die when Gustavo gets here. Besides, if you remember, the last time we directed a music video, it was awful."

"Did someone ask for me?" a voice called from behind them, and they turned to look at the man getting out of the car. The guys all smacked Kendall at once. "Look, I brought stuffy horsies! Horses for everyone!"

"Kendall, you got Marco to direct the video? Why?" James demanded. "He's going to make us hold stuffed horses!"

"I want one," Carlos said, going over to the director and taking a horse from him. The others looked at Kendall.

"What? He did a great job with 'The City is Ours' video, and we need this to look good. Plus, he was cheap. Very cheap. I guess there was some kind of accident on his last video—and it's fine; nothing like that will happen to us—so we're all good."

"You know what? Your plans get crazier every time," Logan said, shaking his head. "Still, I guess it's better if we have a real director. Then maybe we'll only have to do this the once."

"I thought that you were supposed to be doing chores and listening to me when I tell you where and when to ride," Amy commented as she joined them, holding onto Copper's bridle. "It's time for your lessons since you sort of did your chores."

"Oh, that. This falls under the rule on Kendall's list," James said helpfully.

Amy looked at him, her hand on her hip. "What rule is that?"

"The one that says that I have to get any show business people off Jack's land as fast as I bring them on. So, since Marco is here—and Jack knew he was coming, that's why he's not here—we have to shoot the video as soon as possible to make Marco leave."

"Unbelievable," Amy muttered. "I want to see that list."

"Can't. Not supposed to share it with you or Lou. You can call Jack and ask him about the clauses," Kendall answered, and she frowned angrily. "By the way, have you seen Ty? He's supposed to give us some guitar back up for the video. The musicians are out at the dude ranch. We're also supposed to get them back to the states as soon as possible. Jack was very insistent about that."

"I have the worst headache ever right now," Amy muttered.

"Here, Amy, I'll take Copper back to the barn for you," Camille offered, and Amy nodded absently. She was still trying to figure out what to do about them. Unfortunately for her, Kendall had been right. It was all about hierarchy, and since he'd gotten Jack on his side—he still didn't know how—he'd won.

"This place is beautiful!" Marcos cried. "I can see it now. Wide open spaces. Untamed land. Untamed passion!"

Kendall frowned a little. The guys pointed at him. "Ahha! You're having second thoughts now, aren't you? You shouldn't have asked him."

"Just calm down. It might not be that bad," Kendall said, trying to stay optimistic. Marco did tend towards the flamboyant anyway, so this could be fine. He was willing to work with them before, and Kendall figured he could talk Marco into what they needed. Actually, he'd be the easy one. It was Amy that was going to be the problem.

"Where is the horse? The star of the show?"

"What?" James demanded. "We're the stars of the show."

"Shh," Kendall told him. "I told him he could have the horse as something... cute. That way no stuffy puppies—or horsies—for us to hold. So... Amy, you want to show Marco Spartan?"

"You've got to be kidding. I'm not doing this," she muttered, digging out her phone. She tried to call her grandfather, and they all waited. She cursed under her breath when it went straight to voice mail. She tried her sister after that. "Come on, Lou. Pick up."

"I think she's with that vet. Scott? Yeah. Probably not going to get an answer out of her, either."

"You," Amy said, pointing at Kendall. She wanted to smack him or something. He could tell. She was very close to that. He supposed in her mind; he deserved it. "I am not finished. And you will not get away with this."

"No fighting!" a voice commanded, clapping his hands together loudly. Kendall caught the looks from the other guys and shrugged again. They didn't really think they'd be making a music video without choreography, did they? And that meant only one person. "It is time to turn that fire, that passion, into dance!"

Amy froze and blinked in confusion. "I—what? Who are you, and where did you—"

"No talking," Mr. X cried loudly. "Dance!"