Fic: Quiet Sanctuary 10/14

[youngeratheart.livejournal.com]

Quiet Sanctuary
Chapter Ten (or Part Two, Chapter Three)
Word Count: 3,096
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Tim/Marion, Lou/Scott, and Ty/Amy.
Warnings: Non-graphic discussion of child abuse.
Disclaimer: I'm never going to grow up. That means... I'm not legally responsible for anything, right?
Summary: AU. Heartland is a refuge, not just for abused and neglected horses, but for all.
Author's Note: I don't think I need to add any further warnings to this story, but I will add a bit of a disclaimer in this note... Lou's decision to pursue a career in a time when women did not do much outside of the home was one that was key to her character because she would not have backed off or settled for anything less. However, given the time period that I chose to set this story in, the culturally accepted roles of women in the time and the way most people would view Lou's ambition, not as something good, but as evidence of loose morals... It was bound to happen, and of course, it could have been worse, but it was Lou, and she can handle herself.

---

Keeping Secrets

 

"Scott."

The word was said so quietly that he thought he hadn't heard it. He had to stop and look around, and when he did, he saw something he didn't expect to see. Someone, he corrected himself, getting to his feet. He crossed over to her, shaking his head in wonder. He didn't know how she'd gotten here, and he wasn't completely sure that he hadn't fallen asleep, that this wasn't a dream.

"Lou," he said, wrapping his arms around her, holding her close. "I don't know why you're here, but I'm so glad to see you... I have missed you so much. I suppose I shouldn't tell you that."

She hugged him tighter for a moment, clinging to him almost desperately, and he frowned. This wasn't his Lou. His Lou was so strong, so independent, that she'd never cling to him like this. She didn't show weakness. She seemed fearless. "Lou?"

"Thank you for telling me that," she said, still quiet. He stepped back for a moment, looking at her in concern. He could see some fatigue in the way she held herself, but there was something else. She wouldn't look at him, and he thought he might be seeing some tears at the edge of the eyes that wouldn't meet his.

"Lou, what's going on?" he asked, trying to be gentle even though he was very worried. "Talk to me, please. I don't know what happened, but I... You're not okay. I know that much. Let me help. Anything I can do, I will do. I want to... I want to help."

She tried to turn away, and he reached for her, careful not to startle her. He'd learned that lesson hard way with Ty. He'd given Scott a few bruises when the boy's survivals instincts reacted faster than his recognition of Scott as a friend and not a threat. "You came to me, didn't you? Please, let me help."

She shook her head. "I thought—I held it together all the way here. I thought I was fine. It wasn't as bad as I had believed... I just... Don't say it, Scott. Whatever you do, don't say 'I told you so.'"

He only needed a second to comprehend what she meant by that, and he had to unclench his fists, try not to react. He didn't want to give in, to say what she'd asked him not to say, but it wasn't easy. He'd had a bad feeling about it all along, and he'd barely held himself back from forcing her to stay, from making her so angry at him that she'd never forgive him, and now he felt like he should have done all the things that he didn't do. He'd known that he couldn't control her, and he knew that he shouldn't want to. He'd let her go, let her do it, and now she'd been hurt in some way, and he might never forgive himself for that.

"What happened?"

She looked down. "It's not as bad as you think."

"I don't know what I think, Lou. You need to tell me," he said, not sure what he would do if this was as bad as he thought it was. He was going to lose it. The thought of anyone hurting her...

"Months went by without any warning. It made me think I was right, that all of you were wrong..." Lou began, sighing deeply. She shook her head. "I was just so happy to be a part of something that wasn't Heartland, wasn't another farm... Don't get me wrong. I love my home; I love my family... I just wanted something more. I was... stupid."

"You weren't stupid," Scott insisted quickly. "You have every right to pursue your dreams. I know that. It's... It's why I let you go without a fight. Believe me, I wanted to fight."

"Maybe you should have," she said, then shook her head again. "No, I needed to do this myself or I would never have been happy, never been satisfied. I would have been angry with you if you'd stopped me."

He touched her shoulders gently. She sank into his arms with a sigh. He held her. "I know. I'm here. I'll be here as long as you let me."

"I should have gone home," Lou whispered. "I don't know why I came here."

"I'd like to think you knew you needed me, that you wanted me and my help," he told her, holding her close because he felt she was close to leaving, and this was not done, not by a long shot. She hadn't told him everything yet, and he wasn't ready to let her go. He wasn't sure she was okay. She had been hurt, though he wasn't sure how much, and because he loved her, he wanted to protect her. He needed to stay with her.

"I did," she said quietly. "I do. I need you. I don't know how to face them, Scott. Mom might be okay, and Amy, maybe... Ty, I guess. He wouldn't judge me. But Dad and Grandpa, they'd be so upset. Dad would blame me, and Grandpa would want vengeance..."

"I want vengeance."

"I know. Still, you listened. I don't know that Dad would," she said with a sigh. "He didn't... he didn't... He just touched me, tried to unbutton my blouse. He was talking like I'd agree to it, and when I said no, he tried to threaten me. I managed to hit him with something from his desk—I don't even know what I grabbed, but I hit him, and I ran. I made it to my boarding home, I packed up my things, and I caught the first train and then the first coach, and somehow I was fine until I got to you..."

She shuddered then, and he realized she was crying as she started to collapse. He made sure she didn't fall, and he just held her. The shock had worn off, and now she was really feeling it. She trembled in his arms, and he knew this was something she would feel for a long time. As long as she felt it, though, he would be with her. He wouldn't leave.

---

"I must look like a complete mess," Lou muttered, standing up a bit shakily and trying to smooth her skirt. She fumbled to button up the coat Scott had loosened earlier when she was crying. She brushed back her hair, and Scott caught her hands.

"Calm down," he began gently, moving one hand to her face. She flinched a little. She didn't mean to, but she couldn't help it. Now, she understood the way Ty reacted to things. His silence, the way he kept away from everyone, and the flinching when someone yelled or looked like they might be violent. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault," she said with a sigh. She rubbed her forehead, turning away from him. "I should have known better. It's not like you didn't warn me, like everyone didn't warn me."

"Lou, it is not your fault," Scott insisted. He moved so that she was looking at him again. "You did not ask for that to happen. You wanted to work, and you deserved that chance. You are smart and beautiful, and it should have been your mind... He should have been respectful of the work you could do, the asset you would be to any company or business..."

She sighed again, and he put his arms around her, hugging her again. She would let him hold her forever. He was very good to her, more understanding than she'd expected. She didn't know why she thought they'd all judge, that they'd think it was her fault. Maybe because she blamed herself. "I should go home. It seemed like the town was deserted when I got here."

"Yeah, everyone is at the Grants' party. I didn't feel like going. I have too much to do, but your father did drag your mother and sister there. Ty and your grandfather would be at home if you want me to take you out there."

"Scott, you don't have to do that," she started to say, but he stopped her, holding up a hand.

"I don't have any intention of leaving you alone," he assured her. "I know you can take care of yourself, but right now, you've been shaken, and you're upset, and I want you to be safe, with someone you trust. It can't be me all the time, not... But I want you to feel safe."

She smiled at him. "Thank you."

"I love you, Lou. I have for a very long time. I didn't know it for sure until the day after you came back, but I've known it for a while," he admitted, touching her cheek again. She didn't flinch this time. "I care about you, and that hasn't changed."

He started looking around, trying to find something. She frowned at him. "What are you doing?"

"Well, I thought that I was going to take you home. If I'm going out there, I need to take some more... Where is it? Don't tell me I forgot to order more," he muttered to himself, searching through his papers. "I'm sorry, Lou. This place is such a mess."

She shook her head, smiling a little. "When's the last time you used it, whatever it is? Are you sure you had more, or did you need to order it?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. I can't remember. I never seem to keep good enough track of my supplies. I'm going to be a real disaster when I actually have my degree, huh? I can't keep good enough records of supplies, can't remember if I got paid or not... Wait, Lou. I can't believe I didn't think of this before. You're good with numbers and figures. You'd know better than I would how to keep records straight and organized."

She frowned again. "Scott, are you asking me to... work for you?"

He shook his head. "Not for me. With me. I'm asking you to be my partner. I've got a business, or I will have one, and it seems pretty clear I'd never make it work on my own. I'm a mess. I don't have good records, don't have any sense for the financial part of it. I'm sure I'd need other things, too, and I don't even know what those are—"

"Client lists, information on the services you provided, bills," she said.

"—See? You do know," he said, excited. "Lou, I need you. And more than that, I love you. Be my partner. Not just in my business, but in everything. I've had this for a long time now, and you never would take it before, and this probably isn't the right time to ask you because you're vulnerable and I don't want to pressure you, but... Take this ring. At least think about it."

She watched as he took the ring out of his pocket and put it in her hand, closing her fingers over it. She hardly knew what to think. A part of her had been so convinced that no one would believe her, no one would accept what happened, that they'd blame her, and that he would never want her after he knew. He had stayed with her and changed all that. He still wanted her. He wanted her to marry him, but it wasn't just that. He wasn't asking her to be someone who sat at home and raised their children. He was asking her for a lot more than that.

She took the ring and pushed it onto her finger before wrapping her arms around him. "Yes, Scott. I want to be your partner. In every way."

---

"How was the party?"

Amy looked over at Ty, and he almost regretted asking her after that look. He'd needed something to say after she came into the barn. He hadn't seen them leaving, so he had no idea what she was wearing or how her hair would be done. In the lamplight of the barn, she looked even more beautiful than ever. Grown up, filled out, whatever anyone wanted to call it, she was not the usual Amy he saw every day. That Amy didn't care if she was dirty, would rather wear pants or something comfortable, but even he knew that she had to be in one of those... corset things, and while it was probably painful to wear, it did look amazing.

She tried to take a deep breath, but she couldn't. She put her hand on her stomach. "It definitely wasn't worth this dress."

"You look nice," he offered, knowing that it was no real consolation, and that he probably sounded stupid again for saying that.

She blushed. "You think so? I kind of wish you'd come. Then I would have had someone to talk to. I'm not sure if the Grants forgot to invite Soraya's family or if she wasn't able to come, but she wasn't there. Mom was off in the crowd, and I think Dad got drunk. He never found the railroad agent that he went there to see. I should know. I got stuck talking to him most of the night."

Ty grabbed a blanket off the shelf and wrapped it around her exposed shoulders. "I'm sorry. That doesn't sound like fun."

"I felt kind of sorry for him. Until... Well, that doesn't matter," she said, moving away from Ty. She didn't take off the blanket as she walked to the edge of the training ring. Before Ty could ask her what she meant by that, a rider came rushing into the yard, stopping near the barn. They watched as a woman swung off the horse, a man getting down after her.

"Lou!" Amy cried, rushing over to her sister. "When did you get back? Hello, Scott. Oh, my gosh, Lou, is that a ring? Did you... You're getting married?"

"Why don't we talk about this inside?" Lou suggested, looking uncomfortable. Her eyes shifted to Ty, and he wondered what that was about. They weren't that close or anything. Lou was gone more than she was at Heartland, even after she finished school.

"Lou," Marion called, coming out of the house with Tim and Jack at her side. "We heard a rider coming in, but we never thought... It's so good to see you."

Marion wrapped her arms around her daughter, and she was followed by Tim and Jack. "It's so good to see you. We had no idea you were coming home. What happened with the job? Is everything all right?"

"Everything's fine, Mom," Lou answered. "I'm sorry that I didn't let you know I was coming home, but it was short notice. The job—Well, I sort of got fired, I guess, and I don't really want to talk about that. I ran into Scott in town, and he... He heard about the job and that it didn't work out, so he offered me something better."

"Better?" Tim asked suspiciously. "What could be—"

"They're getting married!" Amy cried excitedly.

"It's a full partnership," Lou went on, with a wide smile. "Scott needs help with his business, and it's not the first time he asked me to marry him, but this time... I said yes."

"Well, then, let's celebrate," Jack said, leading the others inside. Ty stayed back, feeling out of place. He didn't know what it was, but something felt wrong. He wasn't sure if it was Amy or Lou or something else entirely, but it was off. He went back into the barn, into Jake's stall. Ever since that first night when he found his way into the barn, the horse had given him a sense of peace. He was not sure where he would be, how lost he would be without Jake. It had been that horse that drew him inside. He hadn't wanted to stop, he'd wanted to keep running though he'd been exhausted.

He started doing the circles on Jake's side, and he was still standing there when he heard a noise behind him. "You know, despite what Dad says, the rest of us consider you family."

"Even you?" he asked, surprised by Lou's statement.

She nodded. "Even me."

"Then, sister, since if we're family you would be my sister..." Ty began with deliberation, as uncomfortable with calling her that as she appeared to be hearing it. "What really happened with your job? You fought too long and too hard to get that job. There is no way you would quit or do anything that would jeopardize it."

"I didn't..." She caught Ty's look and stopped. "I know you didn't say it, not in words, but you are not allowed to say I told you so."

"Lou, I don't... I, of all people, cannot say those words. I don't talk, for one thing," he began, getting a small smile out of her.

"Ty, please don't tell them," Lou began, biting her lip. "Nothing really happened—I hit him with something and got out of there before he could do anything, but I don't want to talk about it. I don't want them to know. You understand that, don't you?"

He couldn't tell her to say something when he wouldn't do that himself. She'd trusted him and damned him all at the same time. He knew something the others didn't, but he knew that she should tell her family what really happened. He couldn't make her see that unless he admitted to his own past.

He wasn't ready for that.

Lou wrapped her arms around him. "Thank you. Now, will you come inside and celebrate? Scott is your best friend. He expects you to be there. So do I. Since you're my brother, right?"

She took his hand and started to pull him inside. He didn't protest. He was happy for Scott, though he was worried about Lou. He was also worried about Amy. He couldn't celebrate, but he was very good at pretending after all of these years.