lb_heartland | Fic: Inheritance of the Heart 12-13/18

Inheritance of the Heart
Chapter Twelve
Word Count: 3,272
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Lou/Scott, but mostly, eventually... Ty/Amy.
Warnings: Character death (in chapter one only)
Disclaimer: I'm never going to grow up. That means... I'm not legally responsible for anything, right?
Summary: She went away thinking it would always be there, always be the same. She was wrong.
Author's Note: Maybe I'm trying to include too many characters from the books in this, but I just felt it was right to include some of them. :) I was listening to Katharine McPhee's "Had It All" and it reminded me of Amy and this story.

Trying to Catch Up

"I hope you're happy, Ty. You got what you wanted, didn't you?" his ex-wife asked, her voice dripping with bitterness. She looked Amy over with contempt. Amy knew that her clothes weren't the most fashionable—she'd barely had time to pull on a skirt in the car before she got to the courthouse, not wanting to miss Ty's testimony—but that didn't matter. "You get Heartland, and you even get the wonderful Amy Fleming back in your arms. Aren't you the lucky one?"

Ty turned around to face her. His expression was cold. His ex-wife was the only one who could make him act this way. Even people who mistreated their horses didn't provoke him that badly. "I don't consider this luck. You not getting any part of Heartland is justice. And Amy is—Leave Amy out of it, for once."

"Why should I? I was never good enough for you because I wasn't Amy. That's what they all said, every one of them. And now you have her again. It's just so perfect, isn't it?"

Amy glared at the other woman. Not only had she interrupted them—interrupted something very big, actually—she was being an idiot. Completely obnoxious. "It's not perfect. A relationship is something you have to work at. It's not easy. Maybe if you understood that, you would be happier yourself. You didn't even know how lucky you were. Ty is a very generous person, and you had one of the few good men in the world. It's your loss, not his."

"Oh, Amy. I wouldn't count my little chickens before they're hatched if I were you. It won't be happily ever after for you, either," the blond said. She wanted to be a bad clone of Ashley Grant, and she wasn't even good at that. Ashley would have put this one to shame, Amy thought, wondering what had happened to her old rival. "Ty will never love you more than he loves those horses."

"Funny," Amy said, shrugging a little. "I think everyone would say the same thing about me. So I guess Ty and I are even."

"Come on," the lawyer hissed, pulling her client away. "Don't make a scene. That judge is right. They could press charges for fraud. The statute of limitations hasn't passed on that. We have to work on your defense."

Amy looked up at Ty. He looked back at her, and they both started laughing. She wrapped her arm in his. "You did really well up there, on the stand."

"Oh, don't remind me. I don't think I'll be able to eat anything for hours."

"Will this help?" Amy asked, reaching into her pocket and taking out one of the bottles Holly had given her earlier, checking the label on it to be sure she'd grabbed the right one. "This is supposed to help with digestion and stuff, right?"

"Yes, and it smells like licorice. Venture always tries to lick me when I've got some on me. It used to be his special treat, black licorice," Ty said, opening the bottle. He let Amy smell it, and he was right. It did smell like licorice. It smelled good. "Of course, it's the coriander, I think that makes it smell that way, and that isn't the only thing that's in here. I wish I could get more specifics on everything that's in all of the blends, just how much of each goes in there, but they're really amazing. They can have impressive results."

"Like with your mom?"

"Well, they definitely helped there," he agreed. "Did Lou and Scott take my truck back or...?"

"I gave them my car," Amy told him. "I hope you have your keys."

He nodded. "Yeah, I do. Look, Amy, before we were interrupted..."

She looked at him, waiting for him to finish. Was he going to take it back or say that he didn't mean it in that way? He'd said that he loved her. On the stand, he'd admitted to never getting over her. That meant... he meant it, right? He still loved her. "Yes, Ty?"

"That just kind of... slipped out. I... Please don't feel pressured or anything. It was just today, and this trial and everything, it got to me," he said, and she stepped up to kiss him.

"Ty, I don't really care why you said it. If you don't really feel it, that's one thing, but if you do... Then that's... It's not—"

"It's not that I don't feel something. I always have. At the very least, I never stopped loving you... as a friend. I just don't want us to jump from dating again to all the rest of it, to have it pressured or rushed because I've done that before. What we have is so comfortable. We've been here before. I just don't want us to confuse that into thinking it's something more before it is," he said, giving her an apologetic look.

She smiled at him. "Neither of us is in any rush, okay? We're just going to take this one day at a time. I never stopped loving you,either. As a friend."

And as more, a voice inside her thought, but she didn't say it. She didn't want to add any pressure to him. Ty was already having a bad day. The court case had been settled in his favor, sure, but he'd had to testify. Venture was sick. And his ex-wife had been unpleasant. No, it was better that Ty not feel any more pressure today. Besides, the way he said it, she didn't think he didn't feel more. He was just scared that saying it would be too fast. So far, things had happened rather fast. She didn't want them to go too fast and ruin things, either. She could wait to say it.

"Come on, Ty. I'm sure Venture's looking forward to seeing you."

Amy gave Venture another check before she left him to destroy Ty's suit. She didn't think Ty realized that he hadn't changed. All he wanted to do was be with Venture, and it was going to be hard to get him away from the gelding, even though Venture continued to improve. It wasn't going to be easy for Ty, because he hadn't been there all day. She'd known right away he'd be spending the night with his horse, and she figured that he wouldn't come in to eat, either, so she'd take him some food in a while. Venture seemed fascinated by the tie Ty wore, which made her smile.

"You're a hopeless case, you know," Joni commented, joining her at the barn doors where she'd stopped to watch Ty and Venture. "I swear, that look was on your face when you were seventeen."

"There's a beautiful bond between a horse and owner there," Amy said, shrugging.

"And the fact that the owner happens to be your very attractive boyfriend has nothing to do with it, right?" Joni teased, elbowing her. Amy looked over at her and smiled. "I thought as much. Well, the fact that you two were back together was almost all your niece could talk about. She's busy planning your wedding."

Amy groaned. "Neither of us is ready for that. I don't care if we dated for three years before and we've known each other forever. We let seven years go by without a lot of contact, two without any at all. We just started to be friends again, and then... We're really trying not to rush this."

"I can't blame Ty for that. Everyone thought his last relationship was too rushed, even him, but he went ahead and married her. He paid for it, too."

"Ty thinks you left Heartland because of him. Because he didn't believe you when his wife was cheating those customers," Amy began as they walked towards the house.

"It's a lot more complicated than that. She was someone I knew from the circuit. I wouldn't have called her a friend, but I should have known her better than I did. I basically introduced them, told her that Ty was the perfect person to help her with her made-up fear of horses—not that any of us knew it was made up then—and I kind of started it all. She started showing me signs of what she really was before Ty married her, and I didn't tell him. I should have. Even knowing how he reacted when I told him about the fraud... He believed in her. He had no idea she was going to do any of that to him. If I'd told him, maybe it would have been different. Maybe he would never have married her. I left Heartland not just because of that fight Ty and I had but because I couldn't face what had happened to him and knowing I could have prevented it. I made sure that they hired Liz before I left, and Lee was here, plus Jack told me it was okay. A few months later, I heard she'd left and taken everything and that Ty was pretty much a wreck. I almost came back, but... I figured he wouldn't want me here. And Carey and I have been pretty busy. Ten Beeches had quite the reputation when Huten was alive, and everyone wants a part of that again now that Carey's doing rescue work again."

"I'm glad she's got you there to help her. I always thought she'd be happiest right where she was, since she was such a part of the land and so like her grandfather, but she needed to find her place in the world. So did I, I suppose. I just wish I hadn't taken seven years to do it," Amy muttered, still angry with herself for what she'd let happen. "This summer I learned a lot about myself, and I didn't really like it."

"You're doing what you always wanted, right? You're the vet here at Heartland."

"I don't know that being a vet was ever my dream, it was just a sudden realization that I could do it. I almost talked myself out of it that last summer, and I kind of wish I had. Yeah, it's great that I have a degree. I can help any of the horses we get here. I don't have to call Scott or someone else. But going away to pursue that degree made me lose touch with everyone. I broke up with Ty. I barely spoke to my family. I spent my vacations with strangers, helping their horses, but I never realized just how much I had lost myself. Not until Grandpa died and left Heartland to Ty," Amy saw surprise in Joni's eyes. Maybe she was the one person left who didn't know about that. "I finally saw what Grandpa had seen, though I disagree. It wasn't that my heart didn't belong here. It was that I thought my heart didn't belong here. I was running from things again."

"I need Carey to put it the way her grandfather would, but that sounds a lot like a case of sometimes you have to go away to find what's right there in front of you."

"Now I should get on a little apron and some red shoes and say that if I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I don't need to look any further than my backyard because if it's not there, I never really needed it any way," Amy laughed, thinking of the end of the Wizard of Oz.

Joni giggled. "Especially when that someone is as good looking as your boyfriend."

"Joni!" Amy protested, though a part of her did wonder about that. She used to think about it when she was younger, how Dorothy's heart's desire was in her backyard, and for Amy, that backyard was always full of horses... and Ty. "Keep that up, and I'll start thinking you had a thing for Ty yourself."

"Maybe a few stray thoughts, but I knew he was in love with you from the first day I was here. I never really thought about it, even after he was single, because it just wouldn't have worked between us. Besides, I think all of us were fairly convinced that despite what he said, he wasn't over you and never would be."

Amy frowned. "But..."

"Don't stress out just because I told you that," Joni began. "I didn't mean it to make you feel all weird about it. It wasn't like he was pining for you or anything. There was just this... sense we all had. Maybe it was just our own hope, you know, that you would come back and get back together because what could possibly be better for Heartland than you two working together? Ty was like family to everyone, and they wanted that family tradition to continue. I just never liked any of his girlfriends or his wife other than you."

Amy smiled a little. She opened the back door, and they were immediately in the middle of a bunch of people, with Liz and Lee arguing over something, Scott chasing after his son, Carey being pestered by Holly, and Lou trying to get everyone to sit down and eat. "Amy! You're back. Sit down, let's get everyone something to eat. Is Ty still with Venture?"

Amy nodded. "I'll take him some food in a bit. I don't think we'd get him inside short of dragging him, and then he'd just refuse to eat."

"Aunt Amy, did you know that Carey has three mustangs at her place? That's amazing, isn't it? I love wild horses," Holly said, dragging Amy over to sit by Carey. She gave Joni an apologetic smile. They'd have to finish catching up later.

"Here," Amy said, handing Ty a plate over the gate to Venture's stall. "That's for you, not for him, and I expect you to eat it."

"Are you going to sit here and make sure I do?" Ty asked, amused. He started to roll up the sleeves of his shirt, but then Amy took back the plate and handed him one of his t-shirts instead. He smiled at her gratefully, unbuttoning the uncomfortable shirt he'd had on for court and slipping it off. He pulled the t-shirt on instead.

"What happened to the tie? And the jacket?"

"I let Venture eat them," Ty answered, and Amy rolled her eyes. She reached over to grab them from where Ty had put them when he took them off. "I suppose I let that suit get ruined. I hope I don't need one any time soon."

"Oh, only for our fall wedding that Holly is planning," Amy said, and he frowned at her. "Relax. Everyone's humoring her right now, but they all know how we feel about it. No one's really expecting us to get married in October."

"It's not really that funny, not for me. I'm sorry, Amy. You know I... It's just too soon, and joking about getting married when right now that idea is—I can't do it. I rushed into my last marriage, and that was a huge mistake."

"I'm only joking about it because it makes me uncomfortable, too," she admitted. She sighed. "When we're together, it's fine. It feels good, and it makes sense. It doesn't matter if we're watching a movie or cleaning stalls or diagnosing a horse. We're just there, and it's very natural. Then we try to go outside of that, when anyone else is around, and it's like it changes. We're letting what they expect get to us or something."

"Then I guess we just need to promise that we'll let it be about us no matter where we are or what's going on," he told her, drawing her close to him and wrapping his arms around her. She smiled at him, and then Venture bumped him, trying to get at the plate in Amy's hand.

"No, that's for Ty, you silly horse," Amy said, holding it away from Venture. She looked at Ty. "You'll need to finish changing if you're planning on staying out here all night. So... eat your food, and then I can stay with him while you change or something..."

"You could just bring me a jacket and a blanket. I'm sure that's all I'll need, and the suit is pretty much gone anyway," he told her, taking the plate and using the fork to get a bite of something that had to have been cooked by Lou. It was far too good to be Lee's or Amy's, and Liz used different spices. "I really don't care about the suit."

"I know you don't."

"You don't have to stand there and watch me eat. I was only kidding about that."

"I figured I'd stick around for the plate. It's kind of crazy inside. Everyone's still here, and they all have things they want to ask or talk about with Carey and Joni," Amy said, shrugging. "Besides, it's not the same, knowing you're out here and that this guy is still recovering."

"You don't have to avoid Carey or Joni because you think you let your friendship with them down, you know," Ty told her. "I guess you weren't necessarily that close to Joni, but you and Carey had something pretty special, as I found out when I went with you to Ten Beeches."

"Yeah, but you were actually in touch with her. You went up there and helped her set up the rehabilitation side again. You even told her to hire Joni when you knew Joni wanted to leave," Amy shook her head. "I didn't even know she'd started it back up. Or that Joni had left."

"Amy, you were busy. Everyone was so happy you were getting your degree that no one really cared about you knowing everything around here."

"Ty, you were right when you said I wore the ring but had no idea what it meant."

He set the plate aside, taking her hands and looking into her eyes. "I'm not saying that what you did was right. That it didn't make some of us very angry or at least frustrated. But allowing yourself to be tortured by grief doesn't fix it, either. You might think you have to suffer a little and deserve it, but the only way to really do this is to work on it, bit by bit. You can make the effort to be there now and from now on, but dwelling on what you did wrong doesn't help anyone. Trust me on that."

"What did you ever do wrong, Ty? You're perfect."

He shook his head. "I'm not. I made plenty of mistakes, and everyone knows about them by now. I should never have gotten married, for one thing."

Amy nodded. She pulled her hands out of his and gathered up the plate and the clothes. "I guess I'll go see Carey off. I'll be back with your jacket and a blanket."

Ty watched her go. He knew he wasn't really happy with her decision to leave for college, but he had to wonder if she would ever forgive herself for that.

Inheritance of the Heart
Chapter Thirteen
Word Count: 3,992
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Lou/Scott, but mostly, eventually... Ty/Amy.
Warnings: Character death (in chapter one only)
Disclaimer: I'm never going to grow up. That means... I'm not legally responsible for anything, right?
Summary: She went away thinking it would always be there, always be the same. She was wrong.
Author's Note: Part of the reason for including Carey was to have this exchange between her and Amy. It was something I wanted Amy to hear, now, and so Carey said it. And then things took an odd turn and then resolved themselves again, but that's the strange way of fic, isn't it? Anyway, I think things are starting to wind down...

Comings and Goings

"Amy?"

She turned around to look at her friend. Carey was getting ready to leave, both her and Joni. Since the drive was pretty long, they had both been convinced to stay overnight. Amy hadn't had much of a chance to talk to Carey, though, because Holly kept her pestered with questions about her mustangs until she fell asleep, and Amy had gone out to take Ty his coat and blanket. He and Venture were already asleep by then, despite the uncomfortable position Ty was in, and she was not sure how long she had stood there watching him. She supposed it was foolish, but between the trial and Carey and Joni and everyone else being here, she was having a hard time. Ty might tell her not to blame herself, but she couldn't help it. She'd been stupid and foolish.

"It was good to see you, Carey," Amy told her. "I'm sorry that we didn't get to spend more time together. But I know you have to get back to Ten Beeches, so..."

"You will have to learn to forgive yourself for the journey."

Amy blinked. "Uh... what?"

Carey laughed. "Sorry. People tend to expect me to speak like my grandfather did, and I don't mind because he was a special man. You know that. It's something you'll have to accept one day, Amy."

"What? You talking in riddles?"

Carey shook her head, amused. Amy thought that she really was like her grandfather. She had thought that Huten had to be laughing at her when she was there with Mercury. All those questions that she had... "No, Amy, that's not what I meant. Give it some time. You'll figure it out."

Amy sighed, but she couldn't help smiling as well. "You must be great at Ten Beeches. I'd love to see it some time."

"Oh, you will. Joni's promised to do an exchange. She'll come down here and work, and you and Ty can come and see Ten Beeches. This invitation is for you both. I want him to see how far we've come since he helped us set up," Carey said with a smile. Amy nodded. She felt a bit uncomfortable with the idea of going on a trip with Ty. He'd kind of brought up the idea before, just kind of a side comment. She had been talking to him about something, and the oils had come up, and he told her that she should come with him to the next three day oil training. She hadn't really said anything, and he didn't push her about it, but traveling together was different, even if it was for business and not for romantic reasons.

"Joni's on her way, I'm sure," Amy said, shrugging. She felt a bit nervous, and she wasn't sure why. "She's probably getting some coffee. I know I could use some."

"Amy, you are not the only one who has had to forgive themselves for the journey," Casey said gently. She spread out her arms and turned in a bit of a circle. "Look around you. Do you know what I saw when I first came to Heartland?"

"A dusty barn, a few horses and... No one you knew?"

"No. The barn was there, the horses were there, but Ty was also there. He was surprised to see me, and he told me that you were not here. Still, that wasn't what I meant. You know how you felt when you saw Ten Beeches? When you saw One Eye?" Carey asked, and Amy found herself lost in memories for a moment. That time at Ten Beeches had been special, almost magical. "You felt there was something special about the land. I felt that, too, but here. This place is something very special, Amy, and it helped me find my way again. Ty was working with a rescue horse, and that bay was the one who spoke to me. Ty helped me find my way, but it was not just Ty. It was this place and the horses. The journey."

Amy smiled. She was glad that Ty and Heartland had been able to help Carey. She knew that her friend had been very troubled and torn. She'd made the decision to leave, but she'd been unhappy about it as well. She knew, though, that she had to find her way, and that was why she'd decided to leave. Amy was glad that Carey had chosen to reopen the rehabilitation center. It was good that she was carrying on Huten's legacy, but more than that, it was good that she felt it was the right thing for her.

"Come and see me," Carey said, giving Amy a final hug. "Soon."

"I will. I know Ty could use a break, but he won't go anywhere until he's sure Venture is better."

"I think that horse will be traveling with you when you come, and I would not have it any other way," Carey agreed. Joni came out of the back of the house, carrying a mug of coffee, still eating her bagel. "Remember what I said about the journey."

"Sorry," she said. "I'm late; I know. It's just that Lou was cooking, and she makes the best breakfast this side of Jack Bartlett. I've missed this place. I should have made it down here for the funeral, but I thought... Well, never mind. Ty told me I was crazy, that I would have been welcome."

"Is he awake?" Amy asked, thinking that she should have gone over to see him by now.

"Lee just got back from taking him some coffee. I think you're going to have to be the one to get him out of that stall, Amy," Joni said with a smile. "Venture looks a lot better, though."

"That's great," Amy said. She gave Joni and Carey each another hug, and they got in the car. She watched them leave, waving goodbye.

"You look terrible," Lee observed, taking in Ty's rumpled outfit as Ty rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. Sleeping in a horse's stall was never the most restful thing to do. Venture snored, for one thing, and for another, he didn't stay still. Despite being sick, the gelding thought having Ty with him was a reason to play, and he'd keep nudging him and trying to get Ty to do stuff instead of sleeping.

"Is that coffee? And is it here to tease me, or is it here because you were actually nice enough to get me some?"

"I had a moment of weakness," Lee admitted. He handed Ty the coffee, and Ty got to his feet, Venture nudging him in the back.

"Coffee is not for horses," Ty told him, giving him a quick pat. He took a sip of his coffee as he studied the horse. "You do look better. Not one hundred percent, but definitely better."

"Amy's saying goodbye to Carey, and Joni's about to head out the door. Did you two get a chance to talk?"

"Probably not as much of one as we needed, but yeah, we did have a chance to talk," Ty told his brother, setting the coffee down and continuing his inspection. Venture seemed pleased with all the attention. Ty would be tempted to say that the gelding just wanted affection, but he'd been genuinely sick, and he wasn't that kind of a horse—or that good an actor. "Why? You know she's not going to come back. She loves Ten Beeches. And I'd have to pay her double to work with you. That's just not going to happen."

Lee nodded. "Okay. Well, sometime today when you feel like gracing the rest of us humans with your presence... Make sure you shower first."

Ty glared at his brother as Lee left the barn. Ty turned back to Venture. "Something's not right, but I'm not sure what it is. You going to tell me?"

Venture leaned against him. "Well, fine, you're tired. So am I. We wouldn't be if you hadn't tried to play all night."

Venture snorted, and Ty let himself out of the stall, going over to start on some of the feeds. He was trying to remember the best ones for helping with Venture's symptoms, and he couldn't seem to think, at all. Maybe he needed more coffee. Or more sleep.

"Hey," Amy called, coming up behind him. "I thought I'd have to drag you out of Venture's stall. Or so I was warned."

"No, I think I've had enough of him for a while, and I won't be far from him in the yard," Ty said, yawning a little. "Did Carey and Joni make it off okay?"

"Yeah. They promised to call when the got back to Ten Beeches, let us know that they were safe. I'll have to ask Scott and Lou to do the same thing," Amy said. She looked him over. "I don't know if anyone's told you this, but you're kind of a mess."

"I know. Venture decided last night was play time."

"Play time? No wonder you look so tired. Go inside, take a shower, and let us handle the feeds," she told him. "You probably could even take a bit of a nap. We're fine here."

"Okay," Ty agreed. He leaned in to kiss her, just on the forehead, but she seemed to dodge it. He frowned. She made herself busy with the feed. He wondered what was going on. He didn't think that his appearance was so bad that she had to be like that about it, and he wasn't trying to kiss her on the mouth or anything. It didn't seem like it was a first thing in the morning kiss avoidance. No, she was avoiding him for another reason, he was almost sure of it. It stung.

He took a deep breath and decided he could be overreacting. If Amy dodged him again, later, after a shower and everything, then he could start to worry about what was on her mind this time. He walked into the house, greeted Scott and Lou in the kitchen, and headed upstairs to his room.

The pants to his suit were ruined, but since his ex-wife had picked that one out, he really hadn't cared what happened to it. It was good for court, and that was pretty much all. He hadn't worn it since the day they settled the divorce in court, and he was happy to be rid of it. He could buy another suit if he needed it, though he hoped he wouldn't.

He gathered up a change of clothes and headed into the shower. He was having a hard time not letting Amy's behavior get to him. She just needed time. They both did.

He was not going to say that this was a mistake. He didn't believe that. He let the water wash over him and tried to convince himself that Amy didn't, either. He was just overreacting.

Amy watched her sister and her husband drive off with mixed emotions. It was nice to have the house cleared out, to be almost alone again, and yet she didn't want to be alone. She'd miss them. They were headed back home, and she knew they wouldn't be back for a while. Holly was staying, of course, to finish off the summer and help with Shadow, and Amy was glad for that. She still had a lot of work to do with Shadow... and with Holly. At least now she was Aunt Amy. Still, it was hard to watch Scott and Lou go. She wished they hadn't moved, that she was closer to Lou.

She sighed.

Ty came up behind her. "You okay, Amy?"

She nodded. "I guess my head's kind of a mess. Carey said something to me this morning, and I've been trying to figure it out all day."

"So you've just had a lot on your mind, then," he said, and she looked at him. What was he getting at? Had she said anything that she shouldn't have? She supposed that she could have looked in on Venture more today, but they were busy, and there were other horses that needed her attention. She'd done what she could for Venture, and he was doing better today. She didn't need to be in his stall every second. Even Ty wasn't.

"Yes, I have. Why?"

"I guess it was nothing, then. Don't worry about it."

"It's not nothing. Not if it's bothering you. What's going on, Ty?"

He shook his head. "It feels kind of silly now. I'm sure it's nothing, which is what I've been trying to tell myself all day. It hasn't really worked, but that's not... Forget it, Amy. It's not important. I'm going to check on Venture and then work Infidel, okay?"

She followed him as he started to walk away. "Ty, please. Whatever I said or did, I'm sorry. I know that I wasn't really at my best today. I was thinking about Carey and Joni and Lou and Scott... I barely had time for anything else. That's not fair to you. Or to Venture. Or any of the other horses, really."

He stopped and faced her. "Did you avoid my kiss this morning?"

She winced. "Yes, but that was—I don't know why I did that."

"You don't. Well, I've been going through all sorts of reasons throughout the day, because you seemed to be avoiding me on top of everything. I understand being preoccupied. A lot has happened in the past week. I've been preoccupied myself. The stupid trial, Venture being sick... I would have been there for you last night, but I was with Venture. I guess my ex-wife was right. The horses come first."

"It would have been nice if you were inside last night, but it wasn't that bad. It wasn't like I... Nothing I say is going to make this better, is it? Why are we even fighting about this?"

"Because we're both looking for any excuse to fight and end this before it gets any further, any harder, before it hurts a lot more when it's over?" he suggested, and she looked at him. After a moment, she started to laugh. She couldn't help it.

"We are, aren't we? And I'm doing what I swore I wouldn't do and pushing you away again," she said, shaking her head. "Ty, why do we do this to ourselves?"

He shook his head. "I have no idea. It's not that I don't want to be with you, Amy. It's not like I liked the way I was reacting to this, either. I couldn't seem to stop myself. It was just..."

"...easier to pull away than risk being hurt again?" she finished for him, and he nodded, sighing in frustration. "Ty, you have every reason to worry about this. I have pulled away before, so many times, and your ex-wife... Well, she's not exactly been kind, so I would be more surprised if you were able to accept this without worrying. I'd be freaking out over every little thing. At least if I was, I know you'd be there to help me calm down, which is more than I can say for myself."

"You're quick to blame everything on yourself and assume you'll do the worst, Amy. That's not true. This isn't even that big of an issue. I didn't help anything by trying to say it was nothing. If I'd just said what was bothering me, then you would have had your chance to calm me down. But the thing is, right now, you're quick to blame yourself for every little thing that's gone wrong, starting with when you left for college."

"Can you honestly tell me that you don't think it would be better if I hadn't left?"

"I don't know. No. I can't. I want to give you the easy answer, and the fact is that most of me believes that we wouldn't have drifted the way we did if you'd been here. But that—you and me—that's only a part of it. Lou would still have moved away and you probably wouldn't have seen that much of her or her kids just the same. Your grandfather truly believed you were following a dream that you had to see through to the end, and Heartland is still here. Maybe things wouldn't be as good here if you hadn't left. You didn't really like change, and maybe you wouldn't have let the classes happen or us hiring more people or building another barn. It's so hard to say because it's hard to predict. Do I wish that things were different? Yes. Do I wish we never broke up? Yes. Does that mean all of this is your fault? No."

She felt better hearing his words, but she knew she wasn't entirely convinced yet. That would still take time. "Ty—"

"You're not the only one who felt this way. You know, when I was helping Carey set up her rehabilitation center, she kept saying she should never have left. I told her that if she'd stayed while she thought she needed to go, she would have only ended up resenting Ten Beeches and everyone there for holding her back. Sometimes you have to let something go to see if it comes back. Like that final step in a join up, Amy. You have to turn your back and let the horse come to you. That step can't be taken by you. Only the horse can do that. Think of yourself as the horse. It was a journey that you had to take, and you found yourself back in the center again, but you might never have known you wanted that without going around the circle."

Amy looked at him, realization dawning on her. She couldn't believe how stupid she'd been. She pulled him down for a long kiss, not wanting to let go. He was startled at first, but he held her close.

Ty finally managed to pull back, studying her. This wasn't the first time in their recent history that they'd "settled" an awkward conversation with a kiss, and he didn't want to leave things without further clarification. He couldn't. He needed this to be as clear as it could be. "What was that for?"

"You are a genius."

He'd never considered himself particularly smart, though he wasn't an idiot, either. Except when it came to his ex-wife. There he'd been plenty stupid. "Uh, okay..."

"I finally know what Carey was trying to say. I'm an idiot. She said I'd have to learn to forgive myself for the journey, like she did."

"Oh, well, if you'd told me that she'd said that I could have explained that one to you hours ago," Ty teased, shaking his head. "Was that really giving you so much trouble?"

"Forgive me if I've been away from Carey-speak for longer than you have," Amy said, sticking her tongue out at him. "Maybe I just didn't want to see it because it was easier to be mad at myself. The longer I stayed mad, the less I had to deal with going forward, right?"

"That sounds like your kind of twisted logic."

"Hey!" Amy protested. He smiled at her, and she gave in and laughed, wrapping her arms around him. "You're right. I'm not the most logical person in the world. I guess that's why it took me so long to find myself."

"That was something you had to do, Amy. Whether we like it or not, whether it would have been simpler or not, you never would have been happy without taking that chance and learning what you did about yourself."

She shrugged. "Maybe. But you never needed an extended trip to find yourself. How'd you manage that?"

He frowned. "I don't know. It took a while. It actually wasn't until I'd been divorced and homeless that I realized just where I'd let myself get to. I wasn't living for myself, and I hadn't been for a long time. First it was with my family, working to support them, and then it was carrying on a routine, and then it was my ex-wife. I didn't really think that I was doing anything wrong, and I wouldn't say it was necessarily wrong to do what I did, just that I didn't realize how much it was costing me, personally to be the way I was. You can only give so much before you've given your whole soul away, and that's where I went wrong."

Amy looked up at him, confused. "You... think you gave too much away?"

"By the time my wife left me, Amy, I was so angry and resentful about everything I'd sacrificed, and it wasn't just school to support my family or working for Marion's dream and not my own—I don't need a dream of my own. Heartland is enough. But it wasn't mine for a while. I resented doing all this work and never getting credit for it. I resented my wife, and I hated myself," he admitted, taking a deep breath. "It's easy to blame everything on her, but it wasn't just her. I let things get really bad, and I can't blame anyone but myself for that. It was your grandfather and Venture and that year of basically doing what I wanted that put things back in perspective for me. I'm here at Heartland, and I don't ever want to leave it, but I might have if I hadn't changed. I want to work with horses, but because doing what I did with Venture gave me a purpose of my own, not to fulfill Marion's dream. And my wife leaving me... That taught me a lot about myself and the mistakes I made even in my relationship with you."

Amy was surprised; he could see it in her face. "Ty, you were... the perfect boyfriend."

"Too perfect, Amy. There were too many times I didn't say what I felt and I let you set all the terms and everything," he said. "There's putting the person you love first, and there's having no say at all. I didn't say anything. That was my flaw."

"I remember you having plenty to say."

"Not always. It took a lot for me to say anything. It shouldn't have gone on that long. I'm not saying that we didn't work well together or that it wasn't good being with you. It was. I just think I've really got something to work on when it comes to communicating how things make me feel. I always want to keep that to myself, not to be a burden, and I fall into the extreme in that case. You know I do."

Amy reached up to touch his cheek. "Yeah, you do. So... I have to work on not pushing you away, and you have to work on telling me how you feel. That sound about right?"

"Almost too simple, really."

She laughed. "Just because it sounds simple doesn't mean it is. As long as we're together, we'll be fighting these same old issues. You okay with that?"

He leaned his head against hers. "I am. What about you?"

She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. It wasn't the answer he'd expected, but he'd take it. It sounded a lot like a yes to him.